Perks and Pitfalls of Choosing a Long-distance Maid of Honor

Long-distance Complications

The bachelorette party would be a lot more fun if your maid of honor could've made it.
The bachelorette party would be a lot more fun if your maid of honor could've made it.

We've got some bad news: Your long-distance maid of honor isn't going to be readily available when you need her. Sure, that might seem obvious, but you may begin to wish you'd bestowed the title to another friend when all your bridesmaids' dresses need to be refitted and you can't be there, or you've got meetings scheduled with the florist and the caterer at the same time. Of course, a bridesmaid, a family member or even your fiancé could and (most likely will) step in here, but this is exactly the type of thing the maid of honor is supposed to do. She's your go-to girl and has an understanding of your wedding vision that other friends, family members and your future hubby may lack.

Yes, the only real disadvantage to having a long-distance maid of honor is that she can't be there all the time. But one little geographic discrepancy can really worsen your pre-wedding woes. See for yourself below:

  • Phone calls aren't as good as the real thing. Sure, it's great that she can help you shop for dresses through texted pics and elaborate descriptions, but there's a big difference between chatting on the phone and actually being there. Plus …
  • … Sending pictures gets old. If you really want her input, you need to send her a picture of every dress you more than passively look at -- and sometimes one pic just isn't enough. You need to get the train, the bodice, the neckline and everything else. And it's not just the dresses. We're talking flowers, invites, cakes, napkins and all the other details that go into a wedding. You might want to beef up your phone's service plan because that's a lot of pictures.
  • She might not make your bachelorette party. Never mind the fact that the MOH is supposed to plan, organize and get the word out about the festivities celebrating your last night as a single woman.
  • She's going to have to order all her maid of honor garb long-distance. So alterations are going to be a huge, time-consuming pain, and you don't even want to think about what would happen if part of her wardrobe gets lost in the mail.
  • It won't be real to her. Because she's not there with you, a lot of your wedding plans and ideas are going to be hypothetical in her mind. When you're freaking out about the shade of your orchids, it's going to seem a little less pressing to her.
  • She won't be there if you need her. Planning a wedding is stressful, and it's nice to have someone on your side to give you a hug (or a slap) whenever you need it.

So really, it all depends on you. If you're going to be a demanding, stressed out or overly emotional bride, it might be better for you to ask a local girl to be your MOH. However, if you just couldn't say "I do" without your best girlfriend holding your bouquet and you don't mind making plans by yourself -- or at least without her constant input -- you might even enjoy having a long-distance maid of honor. As long as you're honest with yourself, your maid of honor will be exactly what you need her to be, even if it's just a bridesmaid.

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